Some Hardcore Bashing

This post is full of crap that could only come from someone who has repeatedly been hurt by Christian people. Read at your own risk.

How the devil do they do it? Have they got a “message from God” or something, saying they have to always have an impact on my life? My life and Harry Potter. Same thing though, I guess. Kinda.
It’s been four years. Four bloody years, and they still manage to get to me. One way or another. They’re like parasites. Stinky, yucky old parasites. And I hate them. I really do.

But it all makes sense. Of course. The moment Damordred said that name, I really had one of those moments where you just become rigid and cold and totally out of breath for a few seconds. Oh. Her. Of course.

She does work at a school (oh, get off it, of course she does, how would she be able to leave it all to her little henchmen?), so she should know. And she dislikes everything about this whole thing. But who was stupid enough to send an invitation to that school? With me amongst them, they should know what it’s all about. But they are stupid too, this really shows it. They’ve put themselves in such a vulnerable position, it was almost too obvious that snake would find a way to bite. But to go to those people, whom she’d probably want to beat down even more than anyone else, that is, well… just what to expect, I guess. Sadly. -_-

And what really frustrates me is that I can’t really write about this at all. It’s all hush-hush, and apparently a bit dangerous for me to even know about it. I’m sorry I’m not making sense, I really am. I wouldn’t write at all unless I really needed to get it out of my system somewhat. If it comforts you, this doesn’t help me at all.

So… wish me luck? I’ll need it.

The FOUR Musketeers… Introducing Felton!

If only. I so wish he had a bigger part. At the same time as I want him to stay in that brown wig for the rest of his life. Although he’s fine without it too. Very fine. ^__^

So… The Three Musketeers. The musical. I wanna go again. And again. And again. And this totally beats Wicked. Now I’m sure. Sorry, previous favourite musical. You’re in second place now. I can’t help it. Everything about The Three Musketeers is just so totally made of awesome. I knew it ever since I saw it the first time, I just didn’t wanna push aside Elphaba, because I love her. But now I’m doing it anyway.

It was a long time since I felt like I got so much out of a day, by the way. So I’m gonna blog about it. For realz. Almost liek a diary! (Misspelling was on purpose, yes.)

So I woke up at around four. In the bloody morning. No kidding. And it was all those Musketeers fault. Their and Albin’s. And Rochefort, but just a little. I kinda couldn’t stop thinking about how fantastic it was that I was gonna see all of them again in a few hours. I lay around trying to go back to sleep for two hours, and then the alarm went off, so I kinda failed. I was a bit worried that getting up that early would make me all tired and junk later, but luckily, it never did. I’m not even tired now. ^^’
So I made myself ready, and then biked off. Yes, I went by bike the whole way into town, because otherwise I’d have to walk back home since no busses drives that late. But I don’t mind. Maybe it’ll make me a bit thinner. ^^
But off to my beloved Stockholm I went!

When I got there, I managed to teach myself the way from the train station to the theatre, and back again. I did it all on instinct and guesses, so I’m a bit proud. ^^’ Then I went around a few shops around Plattan while waiting for Johanna and Saa-chan. I bought kexchoklad. ^^’
After a while I sat down on a bench and listened to some music while trying to look for Johanna’s hair. I thought I saw it two times, but it was someone else. XD But after a while they came, and we went off towards the Science Fiction-bokhandeln (Bookstore). We passed the Hoggy Stone and someone had made the sign of the Deathly Hallows with bandages on it. XD So awesome.
In the bookstore, I was going to buy Pokémon 4Ever, but they didn’t have that one in anymore. They had ordered it, but it got sold out in a week. Is that amazing or what? It makes me happy that Pokémon is not dead. ^_^

We stayed in that store for quite a while, looking at manga (I found Shugo Chara!), Japanese magazines (with lots of pretty lolitas and cosplay in them <3), an awesome book that I want so I can study Japanese, and, best of all, Doctor Who, The Sarah Jane Adventures and Torchwood DVDs! But… we didn’t buy anything. ^^’ We just kinda dreamed and planned on doing it. XD

Then we went to the Hoggy Fountain! ^_^ I took some pictures, but I’m lazy, so I wont put anything up. Not now, anyway.

*sings along to Hairspray’s Aquarius* x)

Ehm… ^^’ Then we went on a small hunt for a café! Eventually we found one that had pretty yummy blueberry cakes… and cute, very fat birds that was brave enough to sit across the table and eat from your plate. We need more of those brave, cute birds here.
We talked a lot about the Doctor while we sat there, which was really nice. Sometimes you need to vent your mind a little, and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about time travel-stuff around here. :P
Eventually it became too cold, so we moved to the theatre. Saa-chan was gonna get a ticket, and then we sat around and talked some more until she and Johanna had to leave. That was two hours before The Three Musketeers started, so I figured I might just as well have fun and browse some shops while I waited. But when I got outside I had another, much more brilliant idea. And I messaged Jackie! It was totally on chance, since I had no idea if she was home. It was a while since I talked to her. But she wasn’t doing anything, so she came down and we went to Wayne’s Coffee, where I had my first Cafè Latte in months. Yum.
We sat around and talked quite a lot. Well, Jackie talked, really. She’s good at that. ^^’ Not that I mind. Sometimes I’m much rather a listener than a talker. Sometimes I’m the opposite. :P

But then, then, then! It was Time! Time with a big T! T as in The Three Musketeers! XD
I said goodbye to Jackie and went into the theatre, and found my place. It was beside some stupid guy who I do believe had had a few drinks too many. Either that, or he was just really that loud and annoying and rather stupid all the time. I’ll never forgive him for ruining one of the best moments in the musical with asking the Mylady-guy to undress. Right when Albin was being gorgeous and gay Felton. ^_^ Oh well.

But I was scared to death before the musical began! O_O There was this guy in a suit who went out on stage and told everyone to shut off their mobiles.

And then he said that Johannes Bah Kuhnke had a cold.

My world totally shattered for a few seconds. (I almost thought it was a curse caused by me, Johanna and Saa-chan wishing John Barrowman to be sick so he couldn’t perform and we wouldn’t have to be horribly jealous at a girl who was going to see him that evening… ^^’) Then the guy said that Johannes would still be performing, but would need help to sing. So he more or less invited the audience to sing along, which was heaven for me, because I kinda know most of the songs by now. ^_^

But what can I say? Johannes, Andreas Kundler and Kristofer Fransson were too awesome for words, as usual. You could not hear a trace of Johannes’ cold, that’s for sure. Except one time, when I heard him cough just after leaving the stage. But he coughs like a real musketeer. ^_~
Oh, and everyone else were awesome too. My God, they really all were. Too awesome.



Now, here comes the real fawning. That which you can read above is nothing compared to what will come. I’m gonna give Albin Flinkas his own section. And it’s gonna be more than awesome. It’s gonna be every synonym to awesome, plus awesome, and even more. Because Albin is all that. Really, he is.
I’m almost getting used to writing “Albin” now. ^_^ Although sometimes I slip up and almost writes “Erik” instead. I can’t help it. Eric of Pomerania (LOL. XD Can I just call him Erik of Pommern instead? Please? x) Pomerania sounds like a fruit. XD) is my childhood hero from Salve, and Albin happened to play him. To this day my first question if I got to talk to Albin would still be “was your hair in Salve a wig?” It would be really embarrassing if he said “no”, but still. XD He does have curly hair, but I dunno if it is that blond. Colour, maybe? Then I’d ask him why he cut it. Then I’d ask him why he doesn’t grow it out again and colour it brown like the wig he wears in the musical. Then he’d believe me to be a scary, hair obsessed, stalker fangirl and have me kicked out. x)
But, I mean, seriously, I’ve never seen anything like it. I was blown away when he first appeared all bare-chested and sweaty (Where the devil did those muscles come from? He sure as hell didn’t have them in Salve. XD), but then when he came out with that long, flowing hair and awesome t-shirt (where can I get one of those?! <3), I do believe my brain went into lockdown for the whole time he was on stage. (He ran so close to where I sat, too, I think I might’ve been able to reach out and touch him. *_* Not his hair, though, he’s so tall… ^^’) And I swear no one has been able to make pink and frilly look as good on a guy as he does. x) Not giant fake breasts either, for that matter. XD
And his voice. I knew he could sing, I’ve heard him in Salve, but wow. And while he might not be able to make that awesome rock-ish scream, I just melt when he sings as Felton to Mylady. So. Frikkin’. Beautiful. Gawd.
And his acting. He’s so good. Well, everyone is, in this musical, but still. When he sat there and looked after Mylady he had this faraway, really heartbreaking look in his eyes that just made me want to run up on stage and hug him. And when they dragged him away he really did look like he was fearful of dying and stuff, but still so convinced he had done the right thing. (I’m an actress myself, that means I see things like that, aight? Or I’m just overanalyzing. XD) I have this Mary Sue-ish vision of myself being in the play, running up there in some cool costume, all cleverly distracting either D’Artagnan, the king or some of his men, steal two of their swords and single-handedly fighting everyone off and freeing Felton. Then we’ll run for it and get our own band that we can tour with, and live together happily ever after… Oh, right. Felton is gay… Why does that always happen to me? XD

And in case you didn’t get it, that was just me fooling around. ^_^

But he always seems so happy on stage. His dancing is always so jumpy and energetic. :D During the applause at the end he wasn’t able to stand still. He was adorable. ^_^
And that wraps this humongous post up, I think. XD Good night, and congratulation if you read it all through. You’ve just earned a virtual cookie. Yey! ^___^

*wanders off to dream about Albin and Mia Sue’s great adventures* XD

Kusumi Koharu

My second Morning Musume graduation is coming soon. Miki never really did it for me, so i didn't really mind. I was devastated when Yossy left. She was the first one to graduate since I got into MM, and was, and will always be, my favourite MM member.

But I was so sure that the next one to leave would be Ai-chan or Gaki, maybe even Eri or Reina. I hoped it would be Michishige, because I don't like her. But last on my list were Koha-chan, along with the eight generation of course. So I'm shocked and sad, to say the least.

I haven't always liked Koha-chan, though. When I first got into MM, I didn't care much for her. She didn't stick out to me, perhaps because I didn't care so much about finding out stuff about those other in the group that didn't really catch my attention. And back then that wasn't easy, because I pretty much only had eyes for Yossy and Reina.
Then I heard her singing, and thought she was okay, but nothing more. And then she went on the whole Kirarin Revolution-train. She became Tsukishima Kirari, and while the anime didn't manage to really get to me, Koha-chan got her own solos songs and PVs.

And I adored her.

Her kawaii-ness, how she always seem to give everything her all despite not having all that talent that Ai-chan and Eri have. She is funny. And she practically embodies my genki-way-of-life philosopy without even knowing it exists. She is a bit of an inspiraton to me, who always wants to at least try and be genki even though life doesn't seem all too colourful at times.

And I know we'll see her again. She isn't quitting showbiz. But as it sounds now, she's gonna be a model, just like Erika. And while she is more than gorgeous (an tall!) enough to pull that off, and as great as it is that she does what she wants to do, I'm gonna miss her voice so much.



Good luck, Koha-chan. If this is what you want to do, you should do it. But you always seemed so happy when you sang, and I'm gonna miss that. A lot. <3

Dreamy

Aah.... ^_^ Thank you, Johanna. I guess I owe you now. Next time I'll wish for you to dream about Theodore. And keep on hoping I don't. ^^'

So, last night Johanna and I talked on MSN, and before she left she told me to dream about David Tennant. Lo and behold (yes, I just love that expression XD), I did.
It was all really weird and made absolutely no sense, but I didn't really mind. ^^ We were at my high school, and he was an English teacher there. I know. 8D (Makes me wonder what happened to Krister Svensson. Did he finally decide to retire? I hope so, I swear that guy was worse than Professor Binns. Siriusly. XD)

Anyway, I was on my way to the school shrink (no, still don't know what "kurator" is in English... ^^'), where I have been a few times. Although this time it didn't seem like I was particulary sad about anything. Although I guess with David as a teacher, how could anyone be sad? XD
So I was just about to enter the room where you sit and talk, when I found her in there, talking to David. I don't know if he was speaking in Swedish or English, I do believe I only had eyes for him the whole dream through. ^_^ I do hope he was talking in his Scottish accent though, it would've been a shame otherwise. I do remember exactly what he wore, though. Exactly the same clothes that he wore at Comic Con, when he and John Barrowman kissed. ^^
The point is; I've had teachers with me during those talks. Well, only Kristina, but still. But the shrink asked if I wanted him to sit down with us. Weirdly enough, I was in silent fangirl mode and could only nod extremely violently, so I guess having him as a teacher wouldn't get me used to being around him. Which is not surprising. XD
The talk that followed wasn't much about me. XD We ended up talking about him as an actor and everything he have been in. But it was wonderful. And then I woke up. ; _ ;

Yes. I did try to fall asleep again. ^^'

Bit of help?

"Tea with Lemon, Honey and Ginger is my goddess." - Maddie Blaustein, former and much loved voice actor of Meowth. Also an awesome person, from what I know of her from the Serebiiforums.
R.I.P. <3 Because I never wrote about her death on this blog. I don't know if it excisted yet, back then. But it was really sad.
So I'm definitely gonna try this one out. In honour of her, you could say. :)

Anyone else got some nice (or not so nice, it doesn't really matter as long as they help) recipe for me to try out to get rid of my sore throat and find my voice again? I really need it. I haven't said anything for the last two days. It's downright tiring. XD

I hate titles. 'Cause you need to come up with them.

What not to do when you are sick, have a fever, needles in your throat, difficulty breathing, and have a horrible headache:

1. Watch the banned Pokémon episode that gave lots of Japanese kids seizures due to very fast flashing of red and blue light.

Yeah... kinda did it anyway. ^^' My heart was going *dokidoki* the whole thing through though. Because I've tried watching it once before, years ago, but my head kinda got split in two that time, so I didn't watch it the whole way through. Now people might argue that when something like that happens you just shouldn't watch it a second time, but I love my Pokémon and I have a bit of a weak spot for Porygon. I mean, just look at it. How can you not love that? Besides, the Porygon I have in Platinum kicks ass. And it's evolutions looks awesome too.

Anyway, this time I took certain precautions. I didn't watch it in HQ. I didn't watch it in full screen. And I wore, lo and behold; sunglasses. XD No kidding, I really did. Must've looked really daft, but there you go.

And I did watch it the whole way though this time. My head did hurt a little the first seizure-moment, but nothing worse than what it has done frequently the last two days. Who knows, it might even not have been the episode's fault but my head just being really mean again at just that moment. ^^'
The second big main seizure-moment got me all teary-eyed, but my head stayed nice and didn't hurt at all. So yeah. Mission Electric Soldier Porygon accomplished.

... I know. The whole thing is really stupid. But there is a fine line between bravery and stupidity. So just call me a Gryffindor. ^_^ Whoops, wrong blog. x)

Now I will proceed with some Pikachu-bashing. Let's hope Sito's not got too much against that. ^^'
But it is so unfair. Ever since this episode poor, wonderful Porygon or its evolutions hasn't been feautured in one single episode. It would've been understandable if it was actually Porygon that caused that flashing light, but it was bloody Pikachu. And while I love that mouse to death (even though it isn't my favourite ^^'), that just isn't fair. Oh well. The whole episode was a bit on crack, anyway. Kinda like the final episode of True Blood's second season when that scary (but oh-so-beautiful) woman looked at that cow like she wanted to kiss it. Or maybe it was a bull? I dunno. But I have to confess that I laughed at that. It was kinda stupid. The rest of the episode was awesome, though. Poor Bill. And what's up with the red-head?

I just got awfully off-topic, didn't I? ^^' Yey for that. Not. I'm gonna go continue with watching Pokémon now. So buh-bye, my darlings.

(I really have to stop saying that. Creeps me out, it does. XD)

493 Pokémon Cries

This is what I do.

Doesn't I have the most interesting life ever? XD

Pokémon rabble

I was going to upload this on ThePictureDiary, but it bailed out on me. As usual. I'm considering leaving that site, 'cause it sucks. Which might actually have me blogging more here, so it might be a good thing? At least if you like reading my blog. XD Anyway... on with it.

I love me some ScarfShipping. ^_^

So a few days ago when I was at Dad's, I watched Pokémon. On Toon Disney, which was weird. Pokémon isn't Disney, is it? It didn't use to be, at least.

Anyway. The Swedish intro sucks. Again. Beats me how they manage to make it sound so horribly awkward sometimes, and so awesome at other times. Oh well.

But I've never watched anything new of the anime, unless you count the movies. I'm currently rewatching the old episodes, and I know it's probably gonna take a hell lot of time, but I wanna do it before I watch the new ones. ^^'
But everything is so sparkly now. ^_^' I knew it was like that in the movies, but I didn't know it was like that in the episodes as well. Buizel kinda had me gawping at its Swift. Sue me. XD Makes me wish they'd bring Mewtwo and Mew back so I could watch them kick ass with awesome special effects. Although I always wish they'd bring those two back. Oh well. ^_^

Crack post, this is. But at least it's not depressing at all. ^^

So, today I introduced Sito to Pokémon. It was really just me wanting to see how long it could keep him occupied. I thought; either he'd finish the game in an hour, or he'd get tired of it and dismiss it as boring after a few minutes. And with his brain, I wouldn't really have blamed him.

So you might imagine my astonishment when after about fifteen minutes of playing, he's screaming like a maniac about how annoying those Metapods are. Then I told him that old, really immature but very funny joke about naming them "Penis" so that when they do their attack Harden... Yeah, you get the point. ^^' And he actually laughed at that. XD Then he met a Pidgeotto in Viridian Forest (I thought they only had Pidgey!) that kicked his ass and made him go all pissed off and serious. Yes, I am enjoying myself watching him. ^_^

What is more, he's currently claiming Pikachu to be his favourite Pokémon...

...

...

...

Isn't it just scandalous? XD I mean... Pikachu. Seriously. He's such a beginner. x) And I was so sure he'd pick some fighting machine like Mankey.

Still, he is showing more progress than I ever did at the point of where he is in the game right now. Of course. -_- He's caught seven Pokémon, beaten his rival everytime, and his Pikachu loves him more than life itself, it seemes. Yes, I gave him Yellow. I dunno why, I just thought he should start out with the basic old 150. It sorta seems appropriate. Or maybe I just don't want him to outshine me, because he does that in everything else. ^^' He'll do it eventually in Pokémon too, I'm sure. He'll be beating the Pokémon League in a few days, and then he'll go catch Mewtwo just to make me jealous. Somehow, that doesn't bother me so much. Maybe because I've started reading Tales of Flame again and is all immensed in the story right now. Which makes me crave sugarmilk. I wonder how Sito would react to sugarmilk? XD

And now I'm hungry, so I'm gonna go make ramen. Smell ya later!

Yeah, sorry...

Look, I’m blogging. And I’m actually not forcing myself to do it or anything, I really feel like doing it. I know. It astounds even me.

I do need to apologise, though. And no, not because I haven’t blogged in, like, months, but because I keep blogging only when I feel like crap, lately. Guess that might not always be so fun to read about, but, eh… anyway. It’s good for me to get it out, y’know? Better than me getting panic attacks again or something. No, wait… that’s already happened. No hospitals though. I’m done with those. I never wanna set my foot in one again, except if I have a baby or something. And that was extremely off topic.

Is it a good thing I always go all sarcastic when I’m depressed? It might be funnier to read than if I would mope, I guess, so that’s a good thing.

But, eh, to try and be on topic. (Yeah, I fail at that a lot, but still.) I’m depressed. We’ve established that. In three days time it’s (“technically officially”, as Sito calls it) gonna be my nineteenth birthday. I’m at (technically officially) eighteen years old starting to fear my birthdays. The coming week most of my friends are starting school again. I’m not. (And the clock on the computer just told me it’s Monday. Isn’t it weird how I’d almost give anything to be in bed now, having a school to wake up to tomorrow?) I’m a coward, who feels horribly guilty, and perhaps a little afraid. And, oh, internet on my computer doesn’t work since the thunderstorm we had a few days ago. I wouldn’t be able to write this if it wasn’t for mum not being home, which gives me a chance to sneak onto hers.
And these are the reasons for my depression. And it makes no sense. I shall explain.

The Birthday. I just really hate the whole grown-up thing. Everyone keeps telling me it’s a good thing, younger friends telling me how jealous they are, but I don’t want all that stupid responsibility that comes with being an “adult”. Mum has told me, for as long as I can remember, that she wants me to grow up at my own pace. Bullshit, that was. Sure, I got to play with dolls for as long as I wanted, she never minded me dressing up or watching cartoons (read: anime). Then I was seventeen going eighteen, and she turned completely. Whenever she walked into my room and saw what I was watching she would look at me with pity, tell me off for daydreaming and laugh at me when I tried to make my own cosplay. She still does, although now it’s spiced up a little with that I have to get a job or try harder to get into a school. I don’t know what has happened, I can’t explain it, but I wish with all my heart that I could put it right, turn back time (and no, even Sito knows I can’t cross my own timeline, although he does get a headache thinking about it, which is fun…) and redo my two last years in high school, but I can’t. And now I’m sitting here, with no one to blame but myself for the lousy situation I’m in. (Well, I could blame the world for being so fucked up, but that’d get me nowhere. I keep hoping self-blame will pull me out of it someday.) I just keep avoiding thinking about it, ‘cause my heart hurt every time I do. I try to imagine my future, I see nothing in particular. Just… uselessness. More wallowing in depression. And Harry Potter, although someone is probably going to shoot me for writing that. Point is, there’s still all those things I wanted, and want, to do, but I just gave up, and now I’m sitting at home just writing, and writing, and writing… Mum keep telling me to be a writer, and I keep pointing out to her that I’m writing fanfiction, which will never be published, and she keeps not understating that. It’s a little bit of a mild torture, having been told so many times that what I write is so awesome (but by God, everyone, don’t stop! ^^’), and not being able to write anything original that is… well, that awesome. Woo, modesty. I’ve got it.

And I just realised I kinda covered two of my points already, and my inspiration for the whole blogging thing just flew out the closed window into the rain. I’m just gonna stop here and return to my writing that I really feel like I need right now, and keep on hoping that whatever drawing Naia-chan is working on isn’t for me. That would give me a guilt trip worthy of Vampi-chan. -_-

Anyway… As Cassandra said: buh-bye, my darlings!

I still can't get over that I'm actually blogging... XD

I just had a talk. With my teacher and... school shrink? Okay, I admit, I spent the last 15 minutes trying to find the proper English word for the Swedish "kurator", but I FAIL. What do they teach us in school these days? I mean, I quit English class because I outsmarted my teachers, and I don't even know what "kurator" is in English. Does that make sense? No. And now I'm just rambling, so I'll stop and go back on topic.

The talk. It really wasn't much other than what I already knew and had made up my mind about already. (Which I haven't written here on my blog. That's bad blogging for ya'all.) I'm gonna move to Dad's. Ignore whatever Mum has to say about that. I know I'll have to deal with Altisa and Dad's drunken parties, small, annoying siblings and fights between Dad and Altisa. But I think that's better than staying at home actually. When I was at Dad's this last weekend I felt much more at home and cozy that I do, well... at home. Then, imagine what happens when I get my stuff into the house and actually live there...

Yeah. I like that.

It's like I wrote all those months ago after Erised (here I go with my Harry Potter again... but it's unavoidable... and it gives me a reason to post this on my other blog as well. 8D). "Home isn't a place, it's a feeling." That feeling is the strongest when I'm with my Harry Potter-mates, but I also had a bit of it at Dad's. Which is all that matters, isn't it?

Like a beautiful white angel with a dark inside.

That's how I feel right now. The world around me isn't real, neither am I. Only the pain exists. Numb, that's a good word for it. The keys I'm pressing right now feels like they'll dissolve the second I press them. My insides are cold, unfeeling, yet I know how I'm supposed to feel and acts thereafter. Smiling when I should smile. Laughing when I'm supposed to. Loving without feeling. Fooling everyone. Crying on the inside, because this is not who and what I want to be. I want to be happy, enjoy spring and feel relief at school soon being over, like everyone else. But my heart weighs so much I can't stand it. It feels so big, yet unable to feel anything except the pain. I wish I could rip it out, would have done so already if it weren't for my stupid bravery that tells me I have to live on. Endure. But for how long?

Yes, that is how bad it is now. And I don't know who to tell, don't know who to confide in. But if I can't trust my father, and my mother no longer wants me in the house, what am I supposed to do?

If one can't talk to the ones who gave one life, should one speak at all?

My biggest fear, my Dementors, are back, and I have not enough feeling left in me to conjure up a Patronus.

I should be doing school work, but I need to get this off my chest...

"I love you."
"I love you."
"Doesn't sound like it."

-_-

Conversation between me and Mum today. She said the first and last. I just get so tired. I can't figure her out. What does she want me to say? How does she want me to say it? I do mean it. I mean, she's my mum. How can i not love her?

My heart is hurting again, but I refuse to have another panic attack (as happened a few days ago but I didn't write about it here, only on ThePhotodiary...). It's horrible, scary, and it does nothing to improve my mood. So no. It's not happening. But I'm feeling a big urge to blog and get everything off my chest, which is a good thing, yes? Finally I'm actually using the blog more than once a month, or even less.

Anyway, were at war with my sister again. Woho... not. I hoped it wasn't going to happen again, but apparently I didn't have big hopes, because when I found out I just went: "Oh. That's sad, but you shouldn't care about her..." Mum didn't listen, she was set on moping around and crying her eyes out and dragging me down in the dark emo basement along with her. But I refuse! No more is that sister of mine gonna hurt me again. I've had enough of it. And I'm still convinced about that one day, Tim is gonna run away from home and come to his grandmother and aunt.

Oh, gawd. I'm a frikkin' aunt. Like Aunt Petunia. Aunt Lee. (Tim calls me "Lee", yes.) I like the Swedish word better, actually... ^^'
Gonna stop with the Harry Potter-related stuff now. They belong on another blog. *shameless advertisement* ^^'

Oh, look! I'm posting! =O

Because it's ages since i last did it, isn't it? I've just been all busy with my other blog, which I'm starting to love almost too much. Nah, kidding. You can't love anything too much, can you, as long as love in the right way. Dunna what that means, but it makes sense in my head. ^^'

Anyway, I'm sitting in school right now, and I'm supposed to write this report. I would do it if I didn't feel like crap, you know? But Mum's just been here, and she, me and Kristina has talked about schools and stuff that I can go to. I guess it was needed, but it still wasn't pleasant, because Mum keeps finding things with me wrong. Not while we talked though. Oh no, before we got to school she was bashing me with things like "Have you told Kristina how bad a mother I am now?" and such. During the conversation she was all lovey-dovey and I-love-my-daughter-and-will-always-support-her-blah-blah. Then afterwards, she walked off without saying goodbye, and I actually ran after her (why, oh, why do I care so much? -_-). When I caught up to her she was crying and went "Why are you so cold?!" and "You need to be kind to me!"

Like I was treating her badly! :o Sure, I don't talk to her much anymore, and I keep a lot to myself and don't show much emotion around her anymore, but that's because I'm so sick and tired of what she's giving me back once I do open myself up to her. I'm emo enough without her, and my efforts to be genki and happy isn't going to get easier by listening to her criticism.

I don't know. -_- I try. Yesterday she made dinner, and I went out in the kitchen and sat down by the table to wait for her to join me. She didn't, so I went into her room to ask if she wasn't gonna eat. She came out then, but that just ended up being a silent dinner that I just as well could have eaten by myself. It would probably have been better. -_- I just don't know what to say that wouldn't end up being Lenore-bashing-time to her.

Oh well, I'm gonna go eat something now. In a more enjoyable company than Mum is, hopefully...

Relaunch!

Mia's Pensieve is open, once again!

A blog about Harry Potter and Me, with the ocassional stupid (Austin), insightful (Shigo) and intelligent (Leo) comment from my marauding friends!

Surely deemed to be much more frequently updated than this blog is... ^^' Sorry about that!

TLK - We are one (Swedish with English subtitle)

...O...M...G...

Buono! is coming to Sweden! And I'm going to look at them! And I'm going to cosplay, and dress in lolita and OMG it's going to be awesome. I need to learn all their songs and dances so that I can be a real awesome fan and do just like they do in Japan and sing and dance with them, not like normal Swedish fans who just jump around and scream so much you can't hear the music.

I swear I've never been more excited in my life. This is going to be the most awesome summer ever, in my whole life. Two conventions, one a Harry Potter one (<3 Expecto Patronum <3) and the other one Japan Expo with Buono! I still can't grasp the fact that I'm going to be in the same room as a part of Hello! Project, the idols from Japan that always seemed so far away for me... I mean, that's just... awesome. I find myself with such a lack of words to describe it with, other than that it is so frikkin' wonderful I just can't believe it. I hardly know what to do with myself. I have no frikkin' idea.
And now I don't even know what I'm talking about except that it has something to do with Buono! and Miya, who is too beautiful for words (although she doesn't beat Yossy, of course), so I'm gonna quit and return to listening to their music. Right now I'm listening to Lotta Love, Lotta Love.

But OMG. Buono!. Miya. Momo. Airi. Mari-chan (that's me ^^'). In the same room. In Sweden. Gah.

*diez*

*bes innocent*

*tweaks layout a teensy-weensy bit*

*whistles innocently and walks away*



















COME ON NOW, FEFO, START WORKING! >_<

WOHO~! ^-^

I was so frikkin' brave yesterday, I siriusly deserve a medal or something. Granted, I was a bit late, but I did it! <3

Court Intrigue was closing because there was a lack of players. First I just stared at it, and then I went onto the board to read the message Serenity had written, and I just started crying. I regretted so much that I had abandoned that RPG, and was so angry at myself. It was really one of its kind, and I had such fun there, and then I just let it all go just because I had real-life problems. Maybe it actually would have helped to stay, to have something to escape into when I felt down. But, I didn't, losing Rei-chan and Jonna the Virgo in the process.

But when I had stopped crying, I said to myself: now or never. If the board closes and you never went back you're gonna regret it for the rest of your life.

Problem is I hate apologizing. But I started Word with Naia-chan's mail and Serenity's message in the background and went on typing. I said I was sorry. I told them about some of the problems I've been through and that I still am trying to deal with. And I think they understood. I hope they did. At least they are talking to me and being nice, which is more than I should expect after abandoning them. Twice.

Naia-chan called it "our makeshift family", and I guess that's exactly what it is. One of the many families I have that care so much more than what the one family that really should does.

<3 to all of those "families" that I have. You are so awesome it's almost unbelievable.

------------

On another, really short note (haha, I promise! ;D): today I got my dreads!Awesome, ne? ;) And I'm horribly sirius in that picture... not. XD

Oi... -_-

Looking back at that post I just made, I write way to much. XD

Here's a picture me and classmate Mikaela to make up for it. 8D Hah, or not... It's from our play En Drömsaga (that would be "A Dream Tale" translated, I think ^^') where I played fairy princess Roxanna. See my beautiful tutu and long hair? It was about the only thing that was very princess-y about her, since she was a very boyish princess. ^^ <3
Oh, and ignore the background, it was a big black curtain hanging there during the actual shows.

Let the nerdiness begin!

Just because I said I was gonna try to be more active I go ahead and get sick enough to not have the energy to do so... -_- Bleh, I don't want to be sick. Well, I don't like being at home all days. School's even more fun than being at home and arguing with Mum all the time. I hardly leave my room nowadays, when I'm home, all to avoid getting into fights. It's just no fun, which is kinda obvious. But I have some hopes of getting to school tomorrow, at least if I continue to feel as well as I feel now.

I fell ill on Sunday evening, but during the day I went to Kupolen with Dad, Altisa, Glenn and Sarah. Thought I would bump into Ida, Milan and Hampus, since they were going there as well, but never did. Anyway, I got lots of money from Dad since Jesper and Glenn had gotten a Wii, and as always he is trying to buy me. I bought lots of kawaii things, a pillow shaped like a cupcake and a tablecloth with cupcakes on it from Lagerhaus, the latest Pokémon magazine, a blue skirt and a black one with white dots, two white tights, a black Alice band with a big bow in it, and earrings that are small, black bows. ^_^ Over-knees and a pair of white summer shoes was also purchased, along with a Happy Meal at McDonald's. I wish I could shop that much everyday, it's too much fun. <3 But I'm having a really hard time finding clothes I like nowadays, because shops like Lindex and H&M just don't sell the kind of clothes I like to wear.

Pokémon Diamond is going well, and I'm considering myself an awesome trainer because my Zubat/Golbat must have been overjoyed because it only took it one level up from when it had just evolved into Golbat to evolve into Crobat. It's my own mean flying vampire killing machine now. ^^'

I've been listening to the soundtrack of High School Musical 3 a lot lately, and also found the hillarious bloopers on Youtube, along with the Deleted Scenes. The blooper I loved, and I'm dying to know what Lucas actually did to whatever-his-name-is-that-plays-Zeke. It looked like he kissed him, although a lot of people seem to think they were only hugging or wrestling. Maybe I just love yaoi too much. ^^'
Anyway, about the Deleted Scenes, they just pissed me off. When I had looked at the movie the first time I was really angry because it was all Troy and Gabriella, and the rest of the charas that the previous films had bothered to introduce were all thrown into the background. Then I looked at the Deleted Scenes, and there they were, all those scenes I missed. BIG fail for whoever cut the movie. And I'll say it again, I've played Sharpay enough in RPG to know that she would never be satisfied with that ending she got.

AND I'VE SIGNED UP FOR EXPECTO PATRONUM 2009 NOW! <3 Yeah, I know I rule. ^_^ Hope I make it into Gryffindor this time. Not that I mind Hufflepuff (Earmuff Hufflepuff!), it is the second best house after all, but I do think I'm much better off in Gryffindor. And it would be a shame if I couldn't wear my Gryffindor school uniform, ne? ;)

- End of nerdiness -

Weeeell... Hello ^^'

I'm useless at updating this, aren't I? -_- Well, I've never been a diary person, so I guess I'm not much of a blogger either, since it's not so very different from each other. But at least I can try. I want to try. I know that in a few years time, I will look back on my life and think: what the devil did I do that day? And then I'll regret that I didn't write it up. So, I want to try to be more active. If I still won't be, anyone is welcome to poke me. I would give that permission to my RPG-friends too, if it wasn't for that I then would be afraid of how much I would be poked. I still feel bad about Court Intrigue and Senshi Come Together, not to mention Naia-chan. I still visit her journal from time to time, and I've been onto her RPG Asgaardian Senshi so many times thinking about applying for Sailor Skaadi with my awesome Vampiru-based OC, but I never dare. I'm such a coward. -_- Not to mention a horrible friend.

Well, isn't this a nice blog entry... >_< I'm just sulking around.

So, anyway, a few days ago, I realised that it's not only my father that is an alcoholic, my mum is one, too. I've probably known it for quite a while, I just didn't want to accept it. But now I have to.
A few nights ago she drank a bit too much, and ended up talking to my uncle, which is never a good thing, since they aren't really on talking terms. I dunno what happened, but all of a sudden she were in my room, shouting about how she thought I should go and live with my uncle or my sister or someone else of our relatives that are all nutters, because I didn't appreciate anything I had here at home anyway, and Mum always felt so unapreciated and so on...
Me being quite used to this, told her calmly that I didn't want to talk to her when she was drunk, and then she started throwing things in my room to me, trying to force me to answer her. Then I told her that if she didn't stop and leave, then I would leave. She didn't stop, so I took my bag and left the house. It was in the middle of the night.
I first thought about sleeping outside in the shed, but it was too cold for that, so I called Sito and he came. Whatever god out there that sent him falling through the Rift, thank you, because he saved me that night. <3
We talked most of the night, and then I told him to drive me back home early in the morning, because I was worried that Mum would call the police or something. She was still sleeping when I got home, so I went to bed to sleep a few hours, and later that day she actually walked in and asked me why my things lay all over the floor.

What does one say in such a situation...? I told her the truth, and she was terrified. And excuse me for saying it, but she deserve that. She really does, because she hurt me that night. It was the first time in a long time that I felt like I had to flee from my own home... which, now when I think about it, I wrote long ago wasn't my home at all, because home isn't a place to me any more, it is a feeling.

Hah, sorry. I should probably try and write something less depressing once in a while. Just one more thing though, and it is really bugging me: fefo refuses to work on my dad's computer for some reason. And I really needed "my family" right now...

Anyway, yesterday was my name's day: Maria/h. I messed up when I asked Mum that maybe we should go shop something yummy because of that, and because it was Saturday, my last weekend before school started again, and The Melody Festival. She immediately went on about how we didn't have any money and how she didn't have a car and that it was such a bad suggestion and that she always felt bad when I started talking about money. I tried shutting myself in my room and watch Doctor Who to take my mind off from that we were fighting again, but of course she had to butt in. I went to bed then, and the morning after I called my dad and it turned out he was going to watch hockey today. I asked if I could come, and I could, and I'm also sleeping over at his place, so that's where I am now. It feels good to get away from Mum for a while, but it doesn't make me like being at Dad's either, because I keep being anxious about him getting drunk too, or him and Altisa starting to fight.

But! (... And this is actually a funny thing... ^^') At the hockey game, everyone under sixteen went in for free, and I made it in as a fifteen-year-old! And I'm gonna celebrate my frikkin' nineteenth birthday this year! I love looking younger than I am! <3

And now I'm sitting here and is about to go to bed, but I've been looking at cosplay pics and got all inspired, so now I have to finish this short piece I'm writing about Sora-chan, Zoi and Zareb. Dunno if it ever will make it into the actual TSoaSS, but I already love it to death, so I will probably not be able to resist squeezing it in at some appropriate place. ^__^ Anyway, it's making Zareb happy, so...

That's it from me, people! G'night!

P.S. Don't forget to poke me! ;) I need that!

Freedom in Fashion

My mum and I sat around talking yesterday, about how people look and, well... their looks. And about the freedom in fashion nowadays, but how that freedom also can become something that sets a lot of limits. For example, if I were to go out looking for a job with the hairstyle I have now and some black tights and my yellow tunic and some natural-looking make up, then I'm much more likely to get a job than when I get my dreads and put on some black make up and some more alternative clothes. That is, to me, something very wrong and unfair. Just because you like dressing in goth or punk (etc....) fashion it doesn't mean that you are less intelligent, it could just as well be the other way around. I would be overjoyed if I walked into a bank and found someone working there with violet hair, for example. Instead, now when I walk into a bank, I just feel like it's one of the most boring thing in the world.

Now, Mum agreed to that one should be able to dress as they wished, but at the same time she would be scared if she were to walk up to someone with piercings all over his face in a bank. But I don't understand her, because what does some rings in one's face say about how that person is below the surface? Nothing.
One thing that she thought funny was how I could think like I do and at the same time wish for school uniforms, and uniforms in all kinds of jobs.

First up, it prevents bullying. Second, it makes it a hell lot easier for those who have bad self-confidence and therefore has a really hard time to pick out what to wear everyday to school. I have been one of those people, so I know how horrible that is. Another thing I know how it is like is not having enough money to buy the "fashionable" clothes that almost everyone else wears, and therefore, you get looked down on because you don't have the "right" clothes. So that's why I like school uniforms... Plus, of course, the fact that they are so cool. ^_~
And well, at work, as well as school, uniforms can make one get into "work mode", if that makes any sense. I've been talking to some people who go to schools where they have to wear uniforms, and they have told me how it is easier to do homework and such when in uniform, plus that it makes one more proud of what school one goes to, when they are able to show it off. And I think the same thing that applies for school uniforms also applies for uniforms in work, it makes a lot of things more easy.

But for jobs (and schools) that doesn't have uniforms, I think people should be able to wear whatever they want without being judged for it or told to wear something else. If you want to have rules when it comes to clothing, why not just design a uniform, tell the ones working that "here, this is what you will be wearing when working here". It really isn't that hard, is it?

Well... those are my thoughts. What do others think?

Then there's this other thing, concerning clothes, that grown-ups has to dress in one way, and children in another. Different fashion for different age groups. Here's two pictures of Tsuji Nozomi, 21 years old, married, and with one daughter (the little thing with a heart in front of her face in the corner of the left picture ^^).

When I showed these pictures to my mum, she shook her head and made some offhand comment about how her husband must be happy having married someone he could pretend was a ten-year-old, making him sound like some pervert, and Tsuji-chan like someone who got stuck at the age of ten. And I'm not saying that I know him or her, just that from what I've heard from people who know Japanese and can read her husbands blog, and from what I've read from Tsuji's translated blog entries (thank you H!O! ^^), they love each other and their little daughter Nao just like any other family. There's nothing wrong with their relationship, because if it was I don't think Tsuji-chan would be able to be as happy as she seems to be.

I don't understand why one has to dress differently just because you aren't 20- anymore. If I'm thirty and feels like dressing in pink and ribbons I would do it. I hope I will put on what I feel comfortable in till the day I die.

So, Tsuji-chan is my idol. ^__^ One of them, anyway. =3

What the...?

Let me just express myself with a proper WTF?

Does this mean it's closed, or is it coming back? And why don't they let us know this kinds of stuff before they do it? Sure, I haven't been very active and I have been letting the other members down, but at least I have been apologizing and felt sorry for it! Bleh.

Bleh

No, really, bleh.

I'm sick, and is at the same time supposed to be on stage tomorrow. In the morning. Woho. Not.
Sore throat, headache, lots of coughing and a possible fever doesn't really fit with Princess Roxy of the Fairytale Land.

But I'll do it anyway! I can do it! Gambatte!



Some weird guy just started writing to me in English on the Swedish version of ThePhotodiary. He just asked me how old I am, so I should probably tell him to bugger off or I'll send my alien friend to send his house to outer space. "I know where your mailbox lives", or something like that, you know.

... It's definitely time for bed soon. -_- By head feels foggy, that's why I'm coming up with these weird things. Will it be drunk Princess Roxy again, tomorrow? Dunno if I liked her, but she might be fun for the ones watching.

Think this will be a long one...

I haven't been complaining about boredom in a long time now, and back when I did, I guess I never really wanted it to be like this. I wanted the boredom to be replaced with fun and exciting things, and well, it were. Sito came along, I discovered the Rift, and Drama and Dance in school is as exciting as ever. It's not Wicked, but I still get to challenge myself playing Princess Roxy.

But then there's other things that isn't fun or exciting at all...

Obviously, I'm talking about Tim. He's still living here, and he keeps messing up. He breaks things and throws things and swears like there's no tomorrow. I never mind people swearing, I do it myself sometimes, but it feels like he does it in every sentence. And that is just one thing that he does that he knows I don't like. But yesterday he really went over the edge.
If it's one thing I despise and think is cowardly, it's people committing suicide. That's just fleeing from ones troubles, and it doesn't solve anything, just leaves the living people behind with lots of sorrow and questions of what did we do wrong? Was it my fault? And then Tim was sitting there, in the sofa in the living room, more than one hour late (he had been out with friends and we had told him to be home at seven pm, and that was the second time he'd been home too late) and refusing to go to bed. The clock was well past a ten-year-old's bedtime, and he had school. And he was sitting there, and he was horrible, he was mocking me and Mum. Finally, Mum gave up, as she does, but I stayed against better judgement, because I was already angry and I don't want to snap and do something stupid.

And then he said he wanted to take his life before his eighteenth birthday, because his' life was hell. Before that he had said so many things, that he didn't care about school or what happened to him or how his' future would look. He said all those things to me, and there is nothing more I regret than skipping school as I've done, because it has destroyed so much for me. And I know how horrible it is to not have any friends. And my grandfather took his own life, so I know what it's like to get left behind. And I just became so angry. It was like he was sitting there saying he didn't care about my life, like my life and what I've been through was rubbish. And it isn't, it definitely isn't. It has taken so much fighting, so much strength to hold on to what little glimmer of hope I've been able to find in that darkness. And people wonder how I can be so afraid of Dementors when they don't even exist. It's because I know how they would make me feel.

I could feel myself getting angry, and I was almost close to hitting him, I wanted to do it. But I didn't, I swore instead, and you know what he did? He laughed. And then he asked me "So you can swear?" I left then, fled into my room. I was shivering all over, and then I started crying. But Tim won't be the first person I get such thoughts out of the head from. I've done it once, I can do it again. I have some amazing self-control, and I've saved a life. Never underestimate what can save a life. Never underestimate me. I'm only little in looks. ^_~

On a completely other topic, something really weird and spooky happened the night before yesterday. I was sitting by my computer (which has recently been infected with a virus, but Sito fixed it, so we're both sure of that it really was gone when this happened, since he's a computer genius and all), and looking at a series, when this weird voice could be heard. It reminded me of when a mobile rings, you know, that bleeping sound that just comes and goes and then that's it? This one did exactly the same, although it was longer and didn't bleep at all. It was a child's voice, calling "mummy!" over and over again, first very low, and then it increased. Spooky as hell. And then, after a while, it just disappeared, but I was smart enough to record it, so if anyone wants to hear it, I can send it to them.

I first went all "it's some sort of ghost!" (while I freaked out at the same time, obviously), Mum thought I faked it (I didn't expect anything else either, of course...), and Sito went on about that idea of a mobile signal, that it was just that, some kind of call. Maybe not aimed to my computer, but it just happened to pass through. Some kind of signal. But he said that, to do that, one would have to be alien, because who had ever heard of a Human sending a signal to a common computer? No one. I had to agree with him on that, but it's still a mystery that remains unsolved.

^___^

I like my little brother. Just do. No particular reason at all. ^___^







But damn, people such as myself that dare is awesome. And with such a father as ours... Maybe I'll tell him, let him know he's not alone. Encourage him. But anyway, lots of love to Jesper today.

You'll have to be creative and come up with a title on your own, because I ain't doing it this time. ^^

Haven't written in a while now, here, I guess. There's really nothing interesting to tell that you didn't know already. I go to school, failed the test in Civics just like I said I would, hang with Sito, is a total nerd when it comes to Harry Potter, Sailor Moon, Tokyo Mew Mew and the computer in general. Oh yeah, and I also helped my sister's son with his math homework. I must say it feels good to be better at math than someone, for once, even if it's a ten-year-old. To think that I was the class math genius at that age is hard to believe nowadays.

And now I'm gonna scream a little, because you just have to do that when listening to Avada Kedavra from Potter Puppet Pals, which I'm doing right now.

Civics starts in thirty minutes, which is nice. It's weird how much I actually enjoy the lessons but fail at the tests. Tony manages fine to keep us awake, and he's hilarious most of the time and a really good teacher that a lot of other ones really should try and learn from. But it's just something with sitting down in front of a paper in a silent room that makes everything dissapear. I dunno, I just don't like classrooms, and I don't like tests. Why couldn't everything in school be practical, like Drama or Dance? They could give us an apartment for a couple of weeks, and then we'd have to do our best to keep it, with working to earn the money and pay the rent, and stuff. And when it comes to all that politics we could get to hang out with the actual politicians for a few days at their job, to see how it worked. It could work, couldn't it?

Well, I did manage to write something anyway, for whoever might be interested in reading it.
But stay tuned for the review of Morning Musume's new single, minna-san! Naichau Kamo is good.

A guy just walked by that looked a bit like Darin. I'll have to check him out a bit closer sometime, if I get the chance.

Oh, and yeah, on the subject of boys... Dreaner likes Doctor Who. He is a Whovian, just like me. Isn't that awesome?

Oh, shut up and stop my fangirling.



With love you can dance without any pants on... ♪♫

Some Sweden-ish and Harry Potter!

I just have to quote a fellow fefoare here...
"Anmälningen öppnar den 16 februari, stänger 1 april och tar in max 130 dumbomar, lipsillar stollar och tokskallar." - Her sweeping robes

I'm very emotional when it comes to Harry Potter, for those who didn't know. And when I first read about Expecto Patronum at fefo I got all teary an happy and I wish Mum could have seen me, and then she would never again say that Harry Potter makes me unhappy. (It's something weird she thinks just because I get all depressed when someone died in the books, when I think about the sixth and seventh movies or do something else on the subject that might get me to feel down. But it's like with Doctor Who when something sad happens. It's heartbreaking, but in a way it's a good kind of pain. It's a confirmation of that I really love it, and that feels good.)
Anyway, then I saw the site, and started crying, and then I saw those words on Vicki's blog and it was all Dumbledore's words and he's on my mind a lot nowadays because the sixth movie is coming up, I cried even harder. But at the same time I was laughing, and it was confusing and wonderful and sad and weird and painful and awesome all at the same time, and it felt so bloody nice. Then I found a reason to think Dreaner might like Doctor Who, which made things even more hilarious.

I'm so going. And now I really know what people I want to go see the movie with. I mean, this is the people that made me wake up and be who I want to be last summer. I would even go as far as to say that last summer was the first time I really was myself since I was really, really small and didn't know how to be anything else. And last time I looked at a movie with a bunch of real HP-fans was one of the most awesome things I've ever done. And that was with a movie everyone had already seen hundreds of times, so I wonder what it will be like now, when people might have seen it one time before, if even that. I hope I'll be able to see it before, because I really want to see it with Katie, and it would be awesome to look at it and then just go to Stockholm and spend four days in the wizarding world, if you get my drift. ^_~ Then again, I don't know if I want to see the movie, break down, and then put myself in a train before I manage to recover. At Expecto Patronum I will have people to be devastated with, and recover with, who will make it easier. But it might be worth it anyway... I'll have to think about it. But I'm definitely going, no matter what.

<3

Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes!

I want those balloons... BUT WHERE ARE THEIR MAGENTA ROBES? >_<

Still though, lots of love to this picture. <3

My day, and no, I don't do diaries

There's been another tired day... but it was better than yesterday, mainly because I managed to steal some minutes sleep between two lessons. Lots of <3 to power-naps. Although it would be even better if Sito could go home earlier and not talk to me on the phone the whole evening/night. Seriously, he needs to get some mates to hang with. Preferably someone who doesn't have school to go to... Then again, I can understand him somewhat. I'm the only one he can be himself with. And if things were as it should be, not even I would know. So I have that small accident in the forest in October to thank for this new, fantastic life full of new knowledge about what is really out there that I now live.

Oh, and I must say; I love dancing! We did that today, and it felt so good afterwards! I'm walking around feeling so proud of myself because I worked really hard, and it felt like I lost some weight. Then I found some brochure about dancing in Falun, the nearest town, and I really feel like I should do it. I want to start doing things. School's not working out as good as it used to, and if I want to get into a good university in Drama/Music/Dance, then I'd better start doing something about it, something that can back up my grades. At least I could go and have a look, and then bother about what it will cost.

Remembering Dumbledore...?

I have some amazing mood swings... It took me one look at this picture to burst into tears.

Oh, July 17, why do you have to be so far away? What was ever wrong with November 21, WB?

*yawn*

Today was... tiresome. There was school, as usual, although the first lesson Ida and I just sat around and talked, because we just didn't have the energy to do anything else. Then we fought our way through another Civics lesson, and then we had Drama which was just weird. I was high on energy drinks, I had a headache, and I was tired to death, so I think my Princess Roxanne might have come across as slightly drunk. ^^' But it was still fun, even if I felt extremely dizzy the whole way home after that.

There's two reasons to why I'm so tired... First is Sito and I sat up late yesterday talking about life, the universe and everything as we do. A lot. Apparently, he doesn't need as much sleep as Humans do, the lucky bastard. (Not that I seem to need as much sleeps as a normal Human either, but still...) Mum's been going on about how she thinks he's my boyfriend. As if we act like that! -_- So what if we're with each other a lot and he stays over late and helps me with lots of stuff and we can sit for hours just talking... It's not like we're lovey-dovey and runs around kissing or something. Gee, anyone should be able to see that we're just friends. Besides, me getting together with him, wouldn't that be, like, illegal? Since he's not Human.

The second reason is my sister's son, who's living with us right now because he can't get along with his mum at all (is that a family trait, or what? >_<), and his dad's in hospital. And I dunno... I mean, I like Tim to death, always will, but he seems to be in my face the entire day. And he's so snooty all the time and critizise everything. Mum just gets sad as usual, but I'm soon gonna snap or something, I'm afraid. I have a lot of pent-up anger inside me and I know that, it makes me afraid and then I start practicing my outstanding self-control as to not do something stupid. I guess that makes me an unstable person. But it's tiring, and sooner or later it'll be too much and I'll get really angry.

I'm gonna go to sleep now. Or try to, anyway. Good night.

Hikari/Dawn

Something about my little Hikari/Dawn section in the previous post got all messed up and refuses to be fixed, so here it comes...

Now, I've always liked Hikari/Dawn because of her appearance and clothes, but just like with Shaymin I like her more and more as I see her in action. Nothing will ever beat Misty, but Hikari/Dawn is close. And there is something special about Hikari/Dawn. She gets a lot of attention, more so than any of Ash's previous companions have done.

Thoughts on Giratina and the Sky's Bouquet: Shaymin

First off, it was brilliant, both me and Sito thought so.
Second, what's with the English name of the movie: Giratina and the Sky Warrior. What's wrong with using the Japanese one, but maybe cut it off a little (because it is awfully long). "Giratina and the Sky's Bouquet" would've worked just fine. Was it just because it didn't sound "cool" enough, or what? -_- In that case, it's just silly, stupid and totally uncool.


But back to the movie... It's not often I fawn over a Pokémon because it's cute, but when I first saw Shaymin months ago I squealed. And looking at this movie just made me like it even more. Not every legendary that show up in each of the movies has a proper personality, they are just really cute (Celebi, Jirachi, Manaphy) or just really strong and kick-ass (Deoxys, Rayquaza, Kyogre, Dialga, Palkia, Regirock, Regice, Registeel), ready to save the world. (On a side note: Regirock, Regice, Registeel and Regigigas are the scariest Pokémon out there, I swear.) But here comes Shaymin, both cute, strong and with a kick-ass personality! ^^ And his Sky Forme is awsome too! You just got to love him/her/both/whatever-it-is. (These legendaries and their genderless-ness... >_<)

The movie has a really good story going on, I think, but I'll say nothing more about it because of spoilers. ^^' It follows its own little pace without being rushed and without being boring, and with some nice flashbacks from the previous movie to remind the one watching of what happened then. One definitely needs to see the previous one to understand this one... Oh, and the special effeckts kick ass, but they've always done that in Pokémon movies. (The doors in Mewtwo Strikes Back! <3)

As for the characters, I'd thought I'd talk a bit about them too...
Now, I've always liked Hikari/Dawn because of her appearance and clothes(<3!), style="font-style: italic;">a lot of attention, more so than any of Ash's previous companions have done.
Brock is, sadly, nothing but the fifth wheel in this movie. =/ He does absolutely nothing to the plot except makes sure the other two don't starve. And there's the obligatory scene where he flirts with Joy, of course (which he does in glasses, I might add! ^^), and a very adorable scene where he sends home flowers to his family (Ash and Hikari/Dawn does the same to theirs), but other than that; nada. That's sad, because I like Brock. He's cool, and I'm impressed on his patience with Ash during all these years... ^^' Guess that's what you get for being a big brother with so many siblings...?
Then there's this scholar named Mugen Graceland who helps Ash and co. out, and he's the ordinary grown-up and kind man with a surprising past. I didn't really know what to make of him until the end of the movie when he won me over with a nice gesture that meant a lot, methinks.
Team Rocket is just as much in this movie as Brock is, which is really, really sad. They crack a few jokes but not nearly as many as they've done at other times, Jessie is awsome as usual despite the little screen time, Meowth is adorable (R.I.P. Maddie <3>_<), and gorgeous James made me smile and be all giddy at the first sight of him. He doesn't need to try particulary hard. ^___^

I guess the Pokémon (minus Shaymin and Meowth, because I've already talked about them) should get their own little section too, so here goes...
Without spoiling too much; Giratina and Dialga are both awsome, although nothing more than those powerful beasts that is crucial to saving the day.
Mugen has a Shieldon that doesn't say much but just has something that makes me like it, along with a kick-ass attack.
I haven't seen enough of the new series to know what to think about Brock's Sudowoodo, Croagunk and Happiny, but I have to say I love his Croagunk. The way it acted when the others were eating, and how it dealt with Brock flirting with Joy... pure win.
Hikari's/Dawn's Pokémon are Piplup, Buneary, Ambipom, Pachirisu and Swinub. I love the crush Buneary has on Pikachu, and Piplup has some attitude. ;)
Ash's Gligar who I like only because I've been writing it in a fanfiction has apparently evolved into the awesome Gliscor and it's still awesome, as are the others. Buizel, Staravia, Turtwig and Chimchar also has a soft spot for the same reason as Gliscor (Chimchar has an even softer spot, since he's my favourite of the Generation IV starters).
Then we have Pikachu of course, which I don't even need to say anything about, because everyone should know that I love the little electric mouse from the bottom of my heart. <3

I've saved the two coolest characters till the end, and now I know you are all thinking something like "since when did Ash become one of the coolest charachters for you?!" And it's true that I've never liked him that much. I mean, it's Ash, so of course I like him, I kinda have to since I like the anime and he's in it like... all the time. He's always been able to make me laugh, and I do like his personality, but there was something with this movie that made it seem like he's matured a bit. He's still Ash, of course, still all fun and jokes and emotional at times, but he seems to have grown a little in this one, which is about time after all these years. And there was this one scene, that really made me realise how gorgeous he has become. Because you have to agree, he has changed.More hat-less Ash, please! And he should quit with the hair gel sometimes. It can't be good for the hair to use it all the time, can it?

Then, finally, it's Zero. Zero-sama, as he was called by his computer, which fits, because he is awesome enough to have that suffix added to his name. So yeah, his outfit is ridiculous. But his hair, and that evil gleam in his eye (you only saw one of them, because of his bangs... ^^')...Yummy, I'll just say. Yummy Zero-sama. <3 Best Human villain since Giovanni. But nothing beats Giovanni, so...

But overall; awesome movie, go watch it!
It's not as good as the first three movies or Lucario and the Mystery of Mew or Mewtwo Return, but it is one of the more awesome Pokémon movies out there! And I use "awesome" way too much... -_-

Giratina and the Sky Warrior

OMG, I found it! SUBBED! <333

... Well... Sito found it subbed. ^^' So thanks, Sito!

Blog-ish

I got a new mobile today (and the new number of W.I.T.C.H.!)! Or at least a new charger, since I got a new mobile from my dad a long time ago, but then the charger didn't work so I couldn't use it anyway... Anyway, it's about time I'd say, since my old one has been broken since before the Christmas Holidays. And don't worry, I still have the same number... ^^

School today was okay, sort of. I still hate my class (the big one, that is), and Civics can just go hang itself or something. Tony, the teacher, asked me if I thought the subject was difficult, and I was like: "Duh! Whatcha think?" But of course I didn't say that out loud. ^^'
Problem is, I really do try to understand, but it just doesn't want to work. So I'll probably fail at the test on Friday, but at least this time Tony will be able to see I tried. Not like last time, where I didn't care at all...
Next up's religion. We've stopped talking about Christianity, thank god (ha!). Now we've moved on to Islam, which is so much better... not. I could practically hear everyone in the room thinking about Meral, which was quite amazing. I could sort of see it on their faces when the movie we looked at went all "in Islam, woman has just as much right to chose how they want to live as the men". Yeah, so that was why our classmate was forced to go back to Turkey with her family to be married before she turned eighteen, so that they could force her into the religion she didn't want to be part of? Bleh. But I don't think every Islamist is like that. It's like with every religion; there are extremists everywhere, and I just have the bad luck to run into them a lot. -_-
But it was cool, that for once the whole class seemed unified. That's something that has certainly not happened before, and I'll savour the moment.

I'll be going now, Sito just came over. He's going to help me tidy my room. ^^

Header

... I have one. And just admit it; it is awesome. ;) Sito and I made it, so that's why. ^^ And yeah, that's him, at least as he looks right now. ;P

The song playing...

... is good. And it's also my song, because I identify myself with it a lot. I know it's awefully old and very Spice Girl-ish and Nineties, but I like it, so I'm putting it up here whether people like it or not.

And well, if you can't stand it, you can just turn off the sound or pause it or something.

Hello!

Well, my name's Lenore, and this is my blog. It's not done at all yet, but I've just started, so bear with me. ^^' Sito has promised he'll help me make a nice header later, as soon as I've found some nice images for him to do it with. I'll help, of course, because I'm not that bad with image editing, you know. I have GIMP, which works. Sito was going on about Earth's crappy image editing programs when I first asked him for help, and then he asked me if I wanted Photoshop, because then he could get it for me for free. I actually said no to that, because I've tried Photoshop before, and I never managed to get the hang of it. I don't even understand GIMP properly, so... ^^'

Anyway, I thought I should introduce myself a little better... I'm Lenore, as I've already said, called "Lee" by my alien friend Sito, who also is my... well, English-talking friend, I guess. We both live in Sweden, and both know Swedish, but we prefer to talk English with each other, because we just like that language better. And there are some Swedish words that Sito don't know yet (even if they are frightfully few, considering the short time he has spent here) , so it all became easier if we stuck to a language both knew about just as good. Oh, yeah, and I also know some Danish, since my grandfather was from there and we have a bunch of relatives there.

But I bet you're all wondering about the "alien friend" part now, ey? Well, it's sort of complicated, and Sito first went ballistic when he found out that I was writing it in my blog "for everyone to see!" as he put it. But then we both figured that no-one would believe this to be true anyway, so I could just go for it. ^__^

It all begins with the Rift, I guess. Not far from my house there is a forest, and in that forest is a small Rift in Space and Time, through which, occasionally, some aliens or something else will come through, either by mistake or on purpose. Most of these aliens are smart enough to keep quiet, or Humans just can't see them, or something. Sometimes they just don't want to see them. "That's Humans in a nutshell, ignoring the obvious just because they can't believe it." as Sito so kindly put it. That's him in a nutshell by the way, insulting the Humans and believing himself to be beyond them just because he happens to be smart. I can agree on that he probably would beat any Human when it comes to computers and technology, or in a game of chess, but that doesn't make him superior to us in any way, does it?

Anyway, a few days before Halloween last year, I was walking through that forest, trying to get some alone-time to think about me and my mum's relationship, which, I might add, wasn't the best in the universe. I say "wasn't", because while it isn't the best, it's much better now than it was then. It's a good thing things change, ne? (Sorry, that was my obsession for Japanese sneaking in... ^^') But while I was walking in the forest, I found a very weird animal (it was frikkin' blue XD) on the ground, who looked kinda dead. Turned out he wasn't though, but that he had just fainted when falling out of the Rift. While I couldn't understand a word of his language (and don't even get me started on how unpronounceable his full name and the name of his home planet is!) it soon turned out he knew English so that we could communicate properly.

I was a bit unnerved around him in the beginning, I'll admit that, what with all that shape-shifting he was able to do, although it did get to good use since he could use it to pretend he was a Human. (He took his appearance from a model in one of my fashion magazines and altered it a little to look a bit more "ordinary". I mean, seriously. That's just not fair.) And since he was really good with computers he borrowed mine to hack into something that looked really forbidden and secretive and classified (he didn't even want to tell me what it was, so I guess it was really bad) and made himself a life. Seriously (Siriusly... Black? ^^'). His Human name became "Sito Janson", which is just showing how unimaginative he is. I mean, the surname differs two letters from mine. Although mine's cooler.

So yeah, we've become really good friends during these two and a half months, more friendly than what I usually become with someone during that little time. It's weird, but we just sort of seem to fit together. And he's told me so many fantastic things about life, the universe, and everything. (Get The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy-reference, anyone? ^_~)

Anyway, now I'm off to work some more on this blog. Make it a bit more fancy.