I haven't been complaining about boredom in a long time now, and back when I did, I guess I never really wanted it to be like this. I wanted the boredom to be replaced with fun and exciting things, and well, it were. Sito came along, I discovered the Rift, and Drama and Dance in school is as exciting as ever. It's not Wicked, but I still get to challenge myself playing Princess Roxy.
But then there's other things that isn't fun or exciting at all...
Obviously, I'm talking about Tim. He's still living here, and he keeps messing up. He breaks things and throws things and swears like there's no tomorrow. I never mind people swearing, I do it myself sometimes, but it feels like he does it in every sentence. And that is just one thing that he does that he knows I don't like. But yesterday he really went over the edge.
If it's one thing I despise and think is cowardly, it's people committing suicide. That's just fleeing from ones troubles, and it doesn't solve anything, just leaves the living people behind with lots of sorrow and questions of what did we do wrong? Was it my fault? And then Tim was sitting there, in the sofa in the living room, more than one hour late (he had been out with friends and we had told him to be home at seven pm, and that was the second time he'd been home too late) and refusing to go to bed. The clock was well past a ten-year-old's bedtime, and he had school. And he was sitting there, and he was horrible, he was mocking me and Mum. Finally, Mum gave up, as she does, but I stayed against better judgement, because I was already angry and I don't want to snap and do something stupid.
And then he said he wanted to take his life before his eighteenth birthday, because his' life was hell. Before that he had said so many things, that he didn't care about school or what happened to him or how his' future would look. He said all those things to me, and there is nothing more I regret than skipping school as I've done, because it has destroyed so much for me. And I know how horrible it is to not have any friends. And my grandfather took his own life, so I know what it's like to get left behind. And I just became so angry. It was like he was sitting there saying he didn't care about my life, like my life and what I've been through was rubbish. And it isn't, it definitely isn't. It has taken so much fighting, so much strength to hold on to what little glimmer of hope I've been able to find in that darkness. And people wonder how I can be so afraid of Dementors when they don't even exist. It's because I know how they would make me feel.
I could feel myself getting angry, and I was almost close to hitting him, I wanted to do it. But I didn't, I swore instead, and you know what he did? He laughed. And then he asked me "So you can swear?" I left then, fled into my room. I was shivering all over, and then I started crying. But Tim won't be the first person I get such thoughts out of the head from. I've done it once, I can do it again. I have some amazing self-control, and I've saved a life. Never underestimate what can save a life. Never underestimate me. I'm only little in looks. ^_~
On a completely other topic, something really weird and spooky happened the night before yesterday. I was sitting by my computer (which has recently been infected with a virus, but Sito fixed it, so we're both sure of that it really was gone when this happened, since he's a computer genius and all), and looking at a series, when this weird voice could be heard. It reminded me of when a mobile rings, you know, that bleeping sound that just comes and goes and then that's it? This one did exactly the same, although it was longer and didn't bleep at all. It was a child's voice, calling "mummy!" over and over again, first very low, and then it increased. Spooky as hell. And then, after a while, it just disappeared, but I was smart enough to record it, so if anyone wants to hear it, I can send it to them.
I first went all "it's some sort of ghost!" (while I freaked out at the same time, obviously), Mum thought I faked it (I didn't expect anything else either, of course...), and Sito went on about that idea of a mobile signal, that it was just that, some kind of call. Maybe not aimed to my computer, but it just happened to pass through. Some kind of signal. But he said that, to do that, one would have to be alien, because who had ever heard of a Human sending a signal to a common computer? No one. I had to agree with him on that, but it's still a mystery that remains unsolved.
But then there's other things that isn't fun or exciting at all...
Obviously, I'm talking about Tim. He's still living here, and he keeps messing up. He breaks things and throws things and swears like there's no tomorrow. I never mind people swearing, I do it myself sometimes, but it feels like he does it in every sentence. And that is just one thing that he does that he knows I don't like. But yesterday he really went over the edge.
If it's one thing I despise and think is cowardly, it's people committing suicide. That's just fleeing from ones troubles, and it doesn't solve anything, just leaves the living people behind with lots of sorrow and questions of what did we do wrong? Was it my fault? And then Tim was sitting there, in the sofa in the living room, more than one hour late (he had been out with friends and we had told him to be home at seven pm, and that was the second time he'd been home too late) and refusing to go to bed. The clock was well past a ten-year-old's bedtime, and he had school. And he was sitting there, and he was horrible, he was mocking me and Mum. Finally, Mum gave up, as she does, but I stayed against better judgement, because I was already angry and I don't want to snap and do something stupid.
And then he said he wanted to take his life before his eighteenth birthday, because his' life was hell. Before that he had said so many things, that he didn't care about school or what happened to him or how his' future would look. He said all those things to me, and there is nothing more I regret than skipping school as I've done, because it has destroyed so much for me. And I know how horrible it is to not have any friends. And my grandfather took his own life, so I know what it's like to get left behind. And I just became so angry. It was like he was sitting there saying he didn't care about my life, like my life and what I've been through was rubbish. And it isn't, it definitely isn't. It has taken so much fighting, so much strength to hold on to what little glimmer of hope I've been able to find in that darkness. And people wonder how I can be so afraid of Dementors when they don't even exist. It's because I know how they would make me feel.
I could feel myself getting angry, and I was almost close to hitting him, I wanted to do it. But I didn't, I swore instead, and you know what he did? He laughed. And then he asked me "So you can swear?" I left then, fled into my room. I was shivering all over, and then I started crying. But Tim won't be the first person I get such thoughts out of the head from. I've done it once, I can do it again. I have some amazing self-control, and I've saved a life. Never underestimate what can save a life. Never underestimate me. I'm only little in looks. ^_~
On a completely other topic, something really weird and spooky happened the night before yesterday. I was sitting by my computer (which has recently been infected with a virus, but Sito fixed it, so we're both sure of that it really was gone when this happened, since he's a computer genius and all), and looking at a series, when this weird voice could be heard. It reminded me of when a mobile rings, you know, that bleeping sound that just comes and goes and then that's it? This one did exactly the same, although it was longer and didn't bleep at all. It was a child's voice, calling "mummy!" over and over again, first very low, and then it increased. Spooky as hell. And then, after a while, it just disappeared, but I was smart enough to record it, so if anyone wants to hear it, I can send it to them.
I first went all "it's some sort of ghost!" (while I freaked out at the same time, obviously), Mum thought I faked it (I didn't expect anything else either, of course...), and Sito went on about that idea of a mobile signal, that it was just that, some kind of call. Maybe not aimed to my computer, but it just happened to pass through. Some kind of signal. But he said that, to do that, one would have to be alien, because who had ever heard of a Human sending a signal to a common computer? No one. I had to agree with him on that, but it's still a mystery that remains unsolved.
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